Friend of Sinners

"...let our hearts be led by mercy." - Casting Crowns, "Jesus, Friend of Sinners"

Most of you know my husband is self-employed, and if you've ever owned a business (especially a small one), you know just how much you give of yourself to help your business grow.  Evan easily works 55+ hours a week...joyfully, thankfully and gratefully.  He is willing to make sacrifices in order to keep our business moving forward; the blood, sweat and tears poured into this is all his.  There is no man I know who works harder than Evan; there is no man I know who is as humble as Evan.  He recognizes and appreciates God's blessing in our life, no matter the circumstances.

He works six days a week, usually 12 hours a day.  He also volunteers to run the sound board at our church for both the 8:45 and 11:00 services on Sunday mornings.  The "down time" we share together is limited...a couple hours in the evening catching up on our favorite TV shows, our Saturday night "COPS" and homemade pizza date, and Sunday afternoon (if he isn't working in the yard).

One of the things we never, ever, ever get to do is have breakfast together, since he's out the door before I've even finished my coffee seven days a week.  On the rare occasion we get to have breakfast together, we usually head down to one of our favorite places, Stuff-A-Bagel.  It's the only restaurant in town where Evan can get his Taylor ham, egg and cheese sandwich (on a Kaiser roll with salt, pepper and ketchup), and I happen to love a good everything bagel with veggie cream cheese (and theirs is the best!)

This week we celebrated Indepdence Day.  Evan did have one small job to finish up that morning, but he decided to push it off until later in the day, so we could grab breakfast out.  And so, in my Woolworth's t-shirt and without a stitch of make-up on, we loaded up and drove on down. 

Walking into the restaurant, we passed a young man outside.  He looked tired.  He had a rolling suitcase and a backpack with him.  He had several tattoos.  I avoided eye contact; Evan said good morning.  I could tell the young man was going to ask something, so I urged Evan along, hurrying to the door so we could get inside.

A few minutes later, we were sitting in our regular booth, and the young man came inside.  He walked up to the counter, and requested a refill for his coffee.  One of the waitresses informed him they didn't give refills; however, another waitress who overheard the conversation gladly refilled his cup, letting him know it was no biggie, since it was a holiday.  I caught the look passed between the two waitresses, and understood that they considered him a nuisance, and that this probably wasn't his first time hanging out at the restaurant.

Our order was called, and Evan went up to the counter.  By now, the young man had refilled his coffee, and had managed to catch the eye of another couple enjoying their breakfast across the restaurant from us.  As I went to the counter to refill my own cup (without asking), I overheard parts of his conversation.  He had moved to Marco Island three months ago, after accepting a job with a contractor.  After three weeks, he was let go.  Around the same time, his wife (living up north, presumably) left him, taking their two young daughters with her, and he hadn't heard from her since.  He was now officially homeless.  He had been turned down at our local shelters because he isn't a Lee County resident.  It was an endless tale of misfortune.  Thinking only of my bagel, I went back to our booth, still avoiding eye contact.

Evan and I chatted about the weather, politics, what we would be grilling later that afternoon.  Eventually, I steered the conversation toward the young man, who was still yammering away with the other couple (whose breakfast was undoubtedly getting cold).  I told Evan how inconsiderate it was for this young man to interrupt their breakfast, and how glad I was he hadn't come to our table.  I also asked Evan to keep his head very still, blocking the young man from my line of sight, so I wouldn't inadvertently catch his eye and be forced to hear the sob story while my coffee got cold.  Evan didn't have much to comment on, and I could tell he most certainly was not sharing my feelings about this young transient,essentially panhandling in a restaurant.

Finally, the young man left.  He went outside, bummed a cigarette off another patron of the restaurant, and sat at a table under the shade.  He savored those last few sips of coffee.  I wondered what he was planning.

The couple from the back of the restaurant finished their breakfast, and went outside.  The husband, a burly man with a stern face, approached the young man.  I just knew he was going to tell him not to be so rude next time, and to let folks eat in peace.  He did no such thing.  The husband asked the young man to come inside with him, back to the restaurant.  Now, I just knew he was going to make this young man apologize to the waitresses for making them feel uncomfortable, and badgering them about a coffee refill.  But again, no such thing.

He walked the young man right up to the counter, and asked him to order asbsolutely anything on the menu he wanted, because he wanted to buy him breakfast.  If I'm being perfectly honest...I was stunned.  Evan gave me a knowing look...one of those, "See, it's not always what you think" looks that he's so famous for.

The young man ordered a phenomenal breakfast platter, a Yoo-Hoo, and another cup of coffee.  He thanked the husband endlessly.  The couple left, and the young man returned to his table outside, slowly enjoying each and every bite of the feast before him.

A few minutes later, the couple returned...with a Publix gift card, for the young man.

It was in that moment, watching the couple choosing to bless this young man instead of disregarding him entirely (as I had done), that I realized something about myself...I can be pretty selfish.  I was so careful to guard my time with my husband, to keep this rare breakfast date to ourselves, that I had completely neglected someone in need.  And not only had I turned my eyes, but I'd turned my heart.  I thought cruel, mean things about someone I didn't even know.  I judged him based on his appearance and behavior.  I avoided interacting with him, even saying a simple, "Good morning."

I don't believe I have felt such overwhelming shame and regret in a very long time.  Here I am, telling others how important it is for us to be kind to one another; to find ways to be the hands and feet, and to love everyone the same way Jesus loves us - unconditionally, and without judgment.  I was a walking contradiction of my own beliefs.  This was a reality check I wasn't quite prepared for.

I am human.  I make mistakes.  I sin.  I do not always live up to the image of God that I'd hoped for.  That morning, I understood that those actions aren't only hurtful and damaging to me, they are hurtful to others as well.

I prayed that morning for the young man, but I also prayed for myself.  I prayed for God to open my eyes, to show me what I'm missing (even the things I'm missing intentionally).  I asked for Him to fill me with love for all man again, because obviously I'd lost something along the way.  And I asked for Him to help me understand that while I value time with my husband, there are others who could value time with me...even if it's just a few minutes over breakfast.

PS - I've now decided that storing a few extra Publix gift cards in my wallet for occasions like that seems like a pretty good idea.  Amazing how your perspective changes from avoiding the opportunity to help, to seeking the opportunity...God's love is powerful, huh?