Remember when you were five years old, and you had your very first "best" friend? The friend who always let you have the pink My Little Pony, shared those gummy fruit snacks with you during afternoon snack time, and never told anyone you still slept with a night light on? Then as a pre-teen, your best friend who kept your secrets, never told anyone about your first crush, and always saved you a seat on the bus? As we grew older, the conversations and situations evolved, but the same idea of that "best friend", of close friends, remained the same.
It's amazing to consider the number of friends who have come and gone from our lives. Some for good reason, and some, for reasons that are more difficult to explain. In some cases, it was a blessing, and in others, it was painful.
Here's what I've learned, looking back at the friendships I've gained and lost over 28 years of existence: each change brought me closer to God, and helped me grow in my faith. Even if it didn't occur right away, even if it took days, weeks, months (or in some cases, years) to understand why the transition occurred, I can easily say now that those moments were leading me to the place I needed to be in my walk. And, because I'm quirky, I like to think of it as my, "friendship garden," which is based on our very real (and challenging) garden at home last Spring. Here we go...
Losing friends = pulling weeds (sometimes). Getting rid of the various weeds that found themselves at home in our garden was important, but it wasn't always my favorite thing to do. I'm certain we could all reflect back on some of those questionable friendships from years back; the ones during our teenage and young adult years (or even our "old" adult years), who may have influenced us to make choices that weren't the best. And I'm certain we know exactly why those friends didn't make it to our current lives (for me, it's because many of them weren't "friends" to begin with).
Those not-so-great relationships were like the prickly weeds finding their way into my cilantro. At first, they blended right in, and I didn't notice them, or see the harm in them. Then, it became more apparent they certainly did not have my cilantro's best interest in mind...so while it wasn't fun, I did need to rid the garden of those weeds. Sort of like ending those relationships...not always fun, not always easy, but necessary.
But what about the good relationships that have changed, or been removed, from our circle? Well, for me, those are the carrots that just wouldn't grow. I loved those carrots. I babied those carrots. I watered them, fed them, talked to them...I had some really great times with those carrots. Then, when it came time to harvest and I pulled those carrots...well, I found out that those carrots had actually just grown into little round carrot nubs. Oh sure, they were edible, but they just weren't what I was expecting - like some of the good friendships we've lost along the way (well, minus the edible part). Even a brief friendship can serve to direct you on your path. But, even in their brevity, those carrots gave me joy, and taught me a few lessons (dig deeper holes).
Life is ever-changing. Folks get married, start families, change careers, move to knew cities...these transitions will bring new friends, and leave old friends. And while it can be painful and unexpected, I have found that, over time, losing a friendship still helped me grow closer to God. Because for the friends (the good ones) I feel I've lost, I've also developed relationships and friendships with others who have continued to bless my life. It's almost as if God knew exactly how long I needed some people walking with me, and when their accompaniment on my journey was complete. Also, not all salads need carrots...
And this is where the gaining friends part comes in, which I'd liken to having a dozen unexpected, yet wonderful, watermelons. When I planted our watermelon seeds last year, I wasn't really aware of how many watermelons we'd be getting...I counted on two or three, and within a few weeks, it was obvious we were becoming the watermelon capital of Cape Coral. There were so many - three times what I'd expected. We were blessed with melons.
And when I think of the friends I'm blessed with now, I am amazed at how they entered my life, and I'm incredibly thankful and grateful for each and every single one. I understand that God has placed these people in my path for a reason, and knowing that helps me to understand why God maybe removed some of the other folks. God knows what we need; he knows where we are, and where we could be heading, and where he wants to use us...and he'll put the right people in your path to get there, if we're just open and receptive to the changes in life. By the way, watermelon is delicious in salad.
Finding friends (aka, "I totally forgot I planted those strawberries"). You know, those people who you had friendships with before, but for whatever reason, fell out of touch. Sometimes, those people come back into your life...and it's an incredible, wonderful surprise - just like those strawberries, planted in February, that didn't arrive until two months later. I had completely forgotten about them, but I was so happy when they arrived!
For me, those "found" friendships are ones I place great value on. People who we may never have seen or heard from again, but who we've managed to reconnect with. People we wouldn't have necessarily been close friends with before, but have found that connection now in life. People we have more in common with than we initially realized. People who we may have been separated from because we all needed just a little more time to learn and grown, before we could start walking together again.
Sometimes God puts folks in (or removes them from) our path...and sometimes, we do it of our own free will. Recognizing that life is constantly changing, and knowing the relationships that have helped (as opposed to hurt) our walk is vital. It's incredibly important to understand, value, respect and grow those friendships - like the garden. Pull the weeds, water the sprouts, fertilize the ground...the bounty will be plentiful. End garden analogies.
Friendships aren't always easy, and there will always be challenges. But, making the effort to keep and nurture those relationships, even during times of difficulty, is what we are called to do. We're called to serve, to encourage, and to love others...including our friends.
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