Gaining, Losing and Finding Friends

Remember when you were five years old, and you had your very first "best" friend?  The friend who always let you have the pink My Little Pony, shared those gummy fruit snacks with you during afternoon snack time, and never told anyone you still slept with a night light on?  Then as a pre-teen, your best friend who kept your secrets, never told anyone about your first crush, and always saved you a seat on the bus?  As we grew older, the conversations and situations evolved, but the same idea of that "best friend", of close friends, remained the same.

It's amazing to consider the number of friends who have come and gone from our lives.  Some for good reason, and some, for reasons that are more difficult to explain.  In some cases, it was a blessing, and in others, it was painful.

Here's what I've learned, looking back at the friendships I've gained and lost over 28 years of existence: each change brought me closer to God, and helped me grow in my faith.  Even if it didn't occur right away, even if it took days, weeks, months (or in some cases, years) to understand why the transition occurred, I can easily say now that those moments were leading me to the place I needed to be in my walk.  And, because I'm quirky, I like to think of it as my, "friendship garden," which is based on our very real (and challenging) garden at home last Spring.   Here we go...

Losing friends = pulling weeds (sometimes).  Getting rid of the various weeds that found themselves at home in our garden was important, but it wasn't always my favorite thing to do.  I'm certain we could all reflect back on some of those questionable friendships from years back; the ones during our teenage and young adult years (or even our "old" adult years), who may have influenced us to make choices that weren't the best.  And I'm certain we know exactly why those friends didn't make it to our current lives (for me, it's because many of them weren't "friends" to begin with). 

Those not-so-great relationships were like the prickly weeds finding their way into my cilantro.  At first, they blended right in, and I didn't notice them, or see the harm in them. Then, it became more apparent they certainly did not have my cilantro's best interest in mind...so while it wasn't fun, I did need to rid the garden of those weeds.  Sort of like ending those relationships...not always fun, not always easy, but necessary.

But what about the good relationships that have changed, or been removed, from our circle?  Well, for me, those are the carrots that just wouldn't grow.   I loved those carrots.  I babied those carrots.  I watered them, fed them, talked to them...I had some really great times with those carrots.  Then, when it came time to harvest and I pulled those carrots...well, I found out that those carrots had actually just grown into little round carrot nubs.  Oh sure, they were edible, but they just weren't what I was expecting - like some of the good friendships we've lost along the way (well, minus the edible part).  Even a brief friendship can serve to direct you on your path.  But, even in their brevity, those carrots gave me joy, and taught me a few lessons (dig deeper holes).

Life is ever-changing.  Folks get married, start families, change careers, move to knew cities...these transitions will bring new friends, and leave old friends.  And while it can be painful and unexpected, I have found that, over time, losing a friendship still helped me grow closer to God.  Because for the friends (the good ones) I feel I've lost, I've also developed relationships and friendships with others who have continued to bless my life.  It's almost as if God knew exactly how long I needed some people walking with me, and when their accompaniment on my journey was complete.  Also, not all salads need carrots...

And this is where the gaining friends part comes in, which I'd liken to having a dozen unexpected, yet wonderful, watermelons.  When I planted our watermelon seeds last year, I wasn't really aware of how many watermelons we'd be getting...I counted on two or three, and within a few weeks, it was obvious we were becoming the watermelon capital of Cape Coral.  There were so many - three times what I'd expected.  We were blessed with melons.

And when I think of the friends I'm blessed with now, I am amazed at how they entered my life, and I'm incredibly thankful and grateful for each and every single one.  I understand that God has placed these people in my path for a reason, and knowing that helps me to understand why God maybe removed some of the other folks.  God knows what we need; he knows where we are, and where we could be heading, and where he wants to use us...and he'll put the right people in your path to get there, if we're just open and receptive to the changes in life.  By the way, watermelon is delicious in salad.

Finding friends (aka, "I totally forgot I planted those strawberries").  You know, those people who you had friendships with before, but for whatever reason, fell out of touch.  Sometimes, those people come back into your life...and it's an incredible, wonderful surprise - just like those strawberries, planted in February, that didn't arrive until two months later.  I had completely forgotten about them, but I was so happy when they arrived!

For me, those "found" friendships are ones I place great value on.  People who we may never have seen or heard from again, but who we've managed to reconnect with.  People we wouldn't have necessarily been close friends with before, but have found that connection now in life.  People we have more in common with than we initially realized.  People who we may have been separated from because we all needed just a little more time to learn and grown, before we could start walking together again.

Sometimes God puts folks in (or removes them from) our path...and sometimes, we do it of our own free will.  Recognizing that life is constantly changing, and knowing the relationships that have helped (as opposed to hurt) our walk is vital.  It's incredibly important to understand, value, respect and grow those friendships - like the garden.  Pull the weeds, water the sprouts, fertilize the ground...the bounty will be plentiful.  End garden analogies.

Friendships aren't always easy, and there will always be challenges.  But, making the effort to keep and nurture those relationships, even during times of difficulty, is what we are called to do.  We're called to serve, to encourage, and to love others...including our friends.

Perfect Timing

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Being a small business owner, we are often faced with challenges that test our strength, fortitude, and even our trust in God.  If you own, or have owned, a small business; if you've ever been self-employed, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

It's a risk, a chance that we take, investing so much of our own time and money into a service or product, hoping and praying the effort will pay off.  Oh sure, I do have my own career outside of our business, but as many of you also know...today's economy calls for a two-income household.

And I will happily and thankfully say that, even though the economy continues to challenge the nation, Evan has done well.  Each and every day, we are endlessly grateful for the blessings God continues to show us.

Even though we are blessed, situations will arise that cause me to question our path and God's plan for our lives - as if we're doing something wrong, missing His point, heading in the wrong direction.

Once of the greatest challenges we face with a property maintenance business is finding good employees.  Not to speak poorly of property maintenance and handyman businesses, or the construction industry in general, but it's a seemingly well-known fact that this type of work can draw in a certain type of individual.  Rather than pigeonhole the entire industry, I'll just give you a quick run down of the top five issues we run into with finding employees for EPG Home Services, LLC:

1. Has a car, but no driver's license.  It's either suspended ("I didn't even know I got those tickets!") or revoked (DUI, habitual traffic offender, or the most popular...back child support).
2. Has a driver's license, but has no car.
3. Criminal record.  Look, I don't care if it was shoplifting when you were a teenager...I'm not going to hire you.  After having one employee steal a $600 drill, we learned that being too trusting, and too willing to give second chances, could be a bad thing.
4. Failure to purchase and use an alarm clock.  Work begins at 7am, not 11:30am.
5. They're from Jersey. :) Which means they're unfamiliar with Florida building codes, and they can't take working in the heat.  This isn't an offensive statement...you can ask my husband, the Jersey boy, how he feels about it, too!

Early this year, we ran through half a dozen or so employees, and very quickly.  We've learned that giving someone two days to prove their skill and dependability is really all they need to screw it up.  And, even if it seems cruel, we've grown accustomed to letting folks go. 

But now, summer is upon us...typically a slower part of the year.  Only this year, God has blessed us with an abudance of work, which we totally appreciate...but we know that Evan just can't do it on his own.  And so, with our one true, dependable employee off to Georgia for the summer (thanks, Kathleen!) we knew we'd need to find someone else.  It was this "finding someone else" thing that really started giving me an ulcer...

After running through two Jersey-ites (no car, no alarm clock variety), I was exhausted.  I just couldn't understand God's timing...He had given us work to carry us through many weeks, yet we didn't have the help to get the jobs done.  And I really began questioning what the Big Guy was thinking up there.

Two weeks went by, with Evan working seven days a week, and usually 12+ hours a day (except Sundays, which he limited to six hours) and still, I saw no end in sight.  And so, we did something then that we should have done long before...we prayed.  We prayed on a Sunday evening before dinner that God would help us, show us what we were missing, let me understand why he'd give us work without the ability to complete it all.

The next day, I did something I've never, ever done...I checked Craigslist.  Here's the thing about Craigslist...most of those folks who are posting looking for work are unlicensed, uninsured, and have zero experience.  They're looking to make a quick buck.  And they're taking work from honest and hard working business owners like us, who have made the financial commitment to properly license and insure ourselves.  People, listen: if they show up to your house wearing flip-flops, driving a Ford Astrovan, and they need to borrow one of your ladders...you may need to reconsider.  And, as an insurance agent, I can't begin to tell you the repercussions of one of these Joe Schmoe Quick Bucks injuring themselves on your property.  Be aware of who you're hiring to do the job, please.

Back to Craigslist.  After scrolling through an endless sea of "WILL PAINT ANYTHING FOR $300!" posts, I found one that sort of stuck out to me, a potential candidate.  He owned his own business (licensed and insured!) and had been living and working in Florida for 14 years (sorry, Jersey...).  His post simply stated that he was looking for some extra work during the slow season...and boy, did we have it.  I decided that this was one Craigslist post that could actually work.

Evan called him, and agreed to have him come out to a painting job.  Over the course of two days, they got to know each other very well...Jeremy didn't hit any of the top five issues we have (this was a rarity).  Married, young child at home, knowledgeable, dependable, nice, no criminal record...and, a Christian.  This was also a rarity in our industry.  And so, Evan and Jeremy began talking about their faith...their journeys to where they are today, the ways God had worked in their lives.

Then Jeremy told Evan something that sealed the deal for me, and reminded me that God does know what He's doing after all.  The very Sunday we prayed for help, Jeremy prayed for work.  His post on Craigslist?  The very first time he's ever done that.  Ever, in 14 years.  This truly was a God thing, in my eyes.  There was a small window of time that passed between our prayers Sunday night, and finding his post on Monday morning.  And he's been a blessing to our business ever since.

This lesson reminded me of many things...that sometimes, you have to weather the storms to see the rainbow.  That even when we're unsure of what direction God is leading us in, you just need to sit down and enjoy the ride.  And that God's timing is always, always perfect, even if we don't realize it at that very moment.  I know His timing is perfect - Jeremy is proof of that.